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UBER ULTRANESS IS THE ORDER OF THE DAY, IT’S MY WORLD AND YES, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT!
THE WEATHER IS PICKING UP THE BOYS ARE GORGEOUS AND ESSENTIAL IS THE PLACE TO BE!! IF YOU WEREN’T THERE THIS WEEKEND HERE IS A RECORD OF THE EVENTS…….
HERE IS AN ADVERT AMERICAN DRAG QUEEN RUPAUL MADE FOR A NEW PERFUME ……..
TIPS ON BEING A SUCCESSFUL GAY MALE STRIPPER!!!
- Make sure you have an audience!! If you don’t have an audience then you aren’t a stripper, you are a lad who likes to take his clothes off to music!
- Make sure you have a big cock!! Yes really! If you don’t then when you take your kegs off, people will laugh at you!! Male strippers HAVE TO have big cocks!
- Be nice looking with a nice body!! BUT the bigger your cock the less nice looking you have to be and the less of a nice body you need!
- Like your audience!!! OR at least pretend you do! If you are on stage in front of 500 queens and you look like you would rather be swallowing dog shit then they will sense this and you won’t work in that venue again!! AND word will get around!
- Be prepared to be touched up! It will happen! They aren’t allowed to but believe me it will happen! Arguing the point to the promoter after someone as touched you up is gonna end in two words ‘WHAT EVER!’
- DO NOT sleep with a club promoter until you have your money in your hand!! If you do then I guarantee you won’t get paid the full amount! The promoter will think that having his cock in your mouth is part payment enough!!
- If you are working a straight venue then for goodness sakes pretend you are straight!! Straight women want to think they have a chance with the fella stripping and if they know the fella is gay then it will piss them off! Unlike gay men who think any man is fair game!
- Being a decent dancer is a good idea but once again, the bigger your cock the less you have to rely on your dancing skills!
- DO NOT put baby oil all over your cock and expect someone to suck you off!! Although we all know someone who’ll do it but on the whole keep your cock oil free!
- When you are fully naked MAKE SURE that most of your audience see you naked otherwise the ones that don’t will start putting the word around that you was crap only cos they didn’t see your cock! You know how bitter some queens can be!
ONCE AGAIN, AN ACTION PACKED WEEKEND COMING UP AT ESSENTIAL!!
KICKING OFF THE WEEKEND IS THE INFAMOUS AND FABULOUS AMATEUR STRIP NIGHT @ ESSENTIAL!! THIS NIGHT IS QUICKLY TURNING LEGENDARY!! IT IS THE FUNNIEST NIGHT AT ESSENTIAL THANKS TO NICKSY ON THE MICROPHONE AND THE FABULOUS CONTESTANTS! YOU GET £10 JUST FOR ENTERING AND THE WINNER GETS A PRIZE AND GOES FORWARDS TO THE GRAND FINAL IN APRIL!
I LOVE A BENDER AND THIS SATURDAY IS ‘ESSENTIAL BENDER’!! DOORS OPEN AT 11PM FOR A NIGHT OF MADNESS AND COOL CLUBBING!
‘MORNIN GLORY’ FOLLOWS ON FROM ‘ESSENTIAL BENDER’ DOWNSTAIRS AT QUEER BAR AT THE RICHMOND ST ENTRANCE!!
SUNDAY SABBATH ROUNDS OFF THE WEEKEND AT QUEER BAR ON CANAL ST!
SO UNTIL AMATEUR STRIP NIGHT THIS FRIDAY, TAKE CARE
CHRISSY DARLING XX
IT SURE IS MY WORLD OF ULTRA, UBER, MEGA RANDOMNESS AND YES YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT!
SIMPLY THE BEST WEEKEND AT ESSENTIAL IN A LONG TIME AND HERE IS A RECORD OF THE WEEKEND….TIPS ON BEING A SUCCESSFUL TELEVISION/FILM EXTRA
1. Join a casting agency such as www.nemesiscasting.co.uk NEVER turn up on a film set asking for a job cos if you do then you are likely to be escorted off the set by a couple of burly men or one Essential Doorwoman Pam type, due to them thinking you are a mad man/woman for attempting such a preposterous thing!
2. Be on time!! Excuses like your family being massacred by a psycho will fall on deaf ears…..they don’t care! They will kick your arse off set!
3. Know your place! You are an extra NOT the foooking star so when the camera is rolling, DO NOT look into the camera and pout because that makes the director psychotic and he/she may kill you, as well as the leading actors hate you!
4. If you feel the actors aren’t very good…….keep it to yourself! DO NOT offer them acting tips! Especially the ones you learnt at school for your Christmas panto! They will get very temperamental and have you removed plus the director will throw a hissy fit!
5. The phrase “And ACTION!” on set is not a cue for you to start chatting to your mates whilst the cameras are rolling, it actually means shut the foook up whilst filming or never work again bitch!
6. If you are on set and you notice a famous actor you really like then please refrain from saying things so loud that they can hear you like “He looks like shit close up!” or “Foook me, 15 takes!! I remember when he was a good actor!” You are guaranteed to be attacked with an axe!
7. If the director/producer is gay and old and you are young and pretty then by all means tell him you will suck his cock for a close up scene or to say a word or a line on camera! BUT it will be the last thing you ever do on that programme or with that director/producer, so bitch; I hope it was worth it!
8. If you are WAY in the background in a funeral scene or the like, do NOT try and steal the scene by voguing like Madonna, or doing the Ministry of funny walks like John Clease in Fawlty Towers, otherwise you will incur the wrath of the director and yes bitch, you are learning, you will be kicked off set!
9. DO NOT ask the director/producer when you will be getting paid!! That is between you and the Agency UNLESS you were charging the producer/director for sexual services! Then you can kiss your ‘extra’ career goodbye!
10. Never come between a film crew and their food! Film crew and cast eat first! Extras eat last and those who have forgotten this fact have sometimes ended up dead! Extras have also known to have killed each other for the last spam sandwich left by the cast and crew!
NEW CLUB, NEW ERA!! YES FOLKS, THE CLUB LOOKS GORGEOUS AND WAS THE BACK DROP TO ONE OF MY FAVE WEEKENDS EVER AT ESSENTIAL! HALLOWEEN NIGHT WAS SPECTACULAR!! SO MANY PEOPLE IN COSTUME AND NOT JUST ANY OLD COSTUMES EITHER! LOOK OUT FOR SOME MORE FABULOUS NIGHTS AT ESSENTIAL!
KICKING OFF THIS WEEKENDS EVENTS AT ESSENTIAL IS BAD DRAG FLIP THIS FRIDAY!! …..VOGUE, COSMOPOLITAN…….NOT HERE!! THIS IS BAD DRAG!!
SATURDAY IS THE MUCH WELCOME RETURN OF ‘RED BENDER’! SO PLEASE MAKE SURE YOU WEAR SOMETHING RED!
‘MORNIN GLORY’ FOLLOWS ON FROM ‘RED BENDER’ DOWNSTAIRS AT QUEER BAR AT THE RICHMOND ST ENTRANCE!
SUNDAY SABBATH RETURNS TO ESSENTIAL THIS SUNDAY! WHILST THE REFURB WAS ON IT WAS AT QUEER BAR BUT FROM THIS SUNDAY IT IS BACK AT ESSENTIAL! ENTRANCE FEE IS £2.00 BEFORE MIDNIGHT AND SELECTED DINKS FOR £1.50!!
SO UNTIL BAD DRAG FLIP THIS FRIDAY, TAKE CARE
CHRISSY DARLING XX
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